How I have learned to live with the ringing that is Tinnitus
The first time I discovered I could hear ringing in my ears in absolute silence I was a very small child, around 4 years old, sitting on the edge of my bed. I had been playing on the floor when I decided to jump my G.I. Joe action figures up onto the bed in a swift improbable move. When I came to a pause to take a breath I thought I heard something and for probably the first time in my short existence I sat there in silence. What I heard was odd, all things are quiet, no rustling of my mother about the house, no TV running. In absolute silence and I could still hear a moderately loud “eeeeeeeeeeee!” There it was, noticed for the first time, a very high pitched whine in both of my ears. In my memory it feels like I sat there in silence staring at the floor analyzing what I just discovered for an eternity. In all rational thought my young mind probably only held me still for seconds as I digested my discovery. I quickly waved it off and went back to playing.
Learning it wasn’t normal
I didn’t learn until the age of 23 that hearing ringing while in absolute silence was not normal. Who talks about what they hear in absolute silence? I had to acknowledge it in a college audiology class where I learned what I was hearing was not what everyone else was hearing. I felt the fool, yes, but I didn’t realize I was missing out on anything until I realized the difference. I asked the people in my circle and found them to find me a fascinating specimen. They had not known anyone with ringing in their ears and was fathomed that I had been cursed with such a thing.
In 2021 I returned to work after COVID lockdown and health became a topic of discussion with on of my common co-workers. I found through idle conversation that he too experienced Tinnitus since birth and didn’t figure out it wasn’t normal until later in his 30's. He had a funny, but sad story about working with a doctor, which ultimately was him trying to convince the doctor he didn’t hear any ringing in his ears other than the “normal” ringing. This was when the doctor informed him of his new reality.
Impact on Life
I guess you could say it was a benefit having to deal with this over time. From the moment I first realized this I didn’t know any different and it just had always been present in life. The way I learned to deal with it was through the practice of acceptance. I had accepted at a very young age that Tinnitus was part of living and I learned different ways to cope with it.
From time to time I still have shifting in tones and this is when I come back to the realization that this is not normal. There is nothing I can do about this other than learn to live with the shifting tone. When I have problems with allergies or sickness you bet my Tinnitus is loud and more obnoxious than normal. The last thing I want to deal with when I don’t feel good is another annoying thing, but I must and shall deal with it.
I generally get along pretty well with some very rare sleepless nights. More recently I have problems with my Eustachian tube, which is causing me a little louder ringing at night. I mostly care for my Tinnitus during sleep using a white noise machine. On the whole silence can be a little hard to deal with and I am more sensitive to minor noises in my world. I can be irritated easily by little vibrations in my car, home, workplace, etc.
How I Cope
Starting with the all important sleeping. I have encountered many people over time who do have larger irritation from their Tinnitus and the most common question I get is how I cope with sleeping. For the last twelve years I have used a white noise machine by Marpac called Dohm (apparently called YogaSleep now). I discovered the white noise machine at my place of work as we used them to privatize conversations. I bought the same one and it has been a great replacement to the loud fan I have been running all these years. I even have an electronic white noise machine I take with me on vacations.
At work I tend to keep myself occupied with something. During lulling periods of boredom I can sometimes have it infecting my attention. I just turn to something else. In my current job I can wear headphones, which helps but sometimes, but only when I can stand to wear headphones. I have to write a lot of technical documentation in my job and have found that writing is a great way to ignore my Tinnitus. It allows me to focus on something that is not ringing.
I generally don’t pay attention to Tinnitus in loud places like restaurants, bars, and general outings. In loud places with a lot going on I really don’t hear it at all unless I will myself to listen for it. When I go to movie theaters I only hear my Tinnitus in the quiet scenes when I’m watching an unengaging film. It is like a little bad movie qualifier in my brain.
Probably the most common time during the day I have to cope with my Tinnitus is when I’m in my own home. I blame this on home ownership itself as I have trained myself to be more aware of the things around me while I’m in my home. I am constantly listening for running water, dripping, appliances faulting, TVs dying, and people trying to break into my home. I think this is why in my own home I am aware of the Tinnitus the most. Here is where I practice the most complex mitigation strategies. Since I control the noise in my home I will often have on something that makes noise while I do things. I wear headphones a lot while I work on things and tend to sit in silence only when I have something else to occupy my attention during this time.
Other things you can do
I have read many different articles online about coping with Tinnitus to see what kind of things are out there for treatment. There is a course of vitamin treatment through a company called Falvonoid. I have not used these nor do I know anyone who has. I requires a high dose to low dose treatment conversion and is supposed to work after you are done with you high dose course. However, the reviews of it shows it works for some people, but they warn you cannot miss a dose or else you have to start over with the high dose treatment of it.
Generically, there are many different niche products focusing on vitamin deficiencies who some people have found have worked for them. I again have not tried any of these, but I have regular doctor checkups and no vitamin deficiency and correction has changed my Tinnitus in my entire life. These too would be something to go on a case by case basis to see what could work for you.
Lastly, the one out of the ordinary thing I have tried is meditation. Sitting in a quiet room and living with your Tinnitus in that moment had a miraculous effect. I had not known I was doing this all my life until I recently read an article about Tinnitus meditation very recently. I believe sitting and focusing on my Tinnitus was my path to the acceptance of the Tinnitus and led me to strategies to push it in with all the other background noise I ignore on a regular basis. It has worked for me greatly, but I had to control my emotions while doing so. In those moments I was becoming irritated or angry with it I found the meditation to be worse for me rather than better.
Conclusion
There simply is no cure and treatments only work for some people. Just hold that you are not alone. I have lived with it for this long and anyone else can do this as well. My trick was to work on acceptance and giving me the breathing room to know that I’m not the only one going through this. Many things did not work, but I feel my acceptance that this is a part of me was the best thing for me. There is hope for anyone with Tinnitus and many of us are here learning to be our better selves as we cope with it too.
Jason is an unimportant person writing a blog. He writes these as a way to do something that is not in his world of typical. What he writes is for entertainment purposes only. The information provided is accurate to my best ability, but may contain omissions and should not be taken as absolute fact. Seriously, do not listen to this guy. As a past leader once told him he “is not worth that much” and “contributes nothing meaningful.”
